I may do many things, but I will NEVER allow a groundhog to upstage me. Not since that time in grade school anyway, but that’s forgivable because he did have quite the extraordinary speaking voice. It was like mixing James Earl Jones with honey and using that as the savory vocal topping to smother the aural ice cream of Sean Connery. You kinda had to BE there to understand what I mean.

So, what, exactly, you may ask, have I, the me who am I, been up, in a very real sense, to? Quite a bit, truthfully. It all started way back in aught-six (yes, if you’re in my generation, you’re required to refer to these times as the aught’s to continue the grand tradition of our ancestor codgers). It was then that I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Wii. I understand that “underneath a rock” may be a fun place for X-TREEEME sports enthusiasts to spend their downtime, but if that’s where you’ve been, then you don’t know the wonders and/or glory that is embodied in those three letters. Never before have three letters that carry so much ambiguity, so many sexual and naughty overtones been so happily uttered by many (we’re not including one of Adam Sessler’s fave utterances in the running).

If you’re one of those that are kinda on the outside but don’t want to seem completely clueless, here’s a few things you can bring up in conversation that will show your Wii-ness.

1) Link can still cut grass like nobody’s business

Even with a wooden sword, just a deft flick of the wrist and you’re laying waste to all sorts of ruinous sod.

2) Replace the music in ExciteTruck

Yours sounds better. Truly. And I say this not knowing what your musical tastes are. When you go to get an SD card to put your music on, don’t buy one of less than a Gigabyte for anything more than $20 and you’ll be doing good.

3) Tossing furniture can be theraputic

Not your OWN furniture, the stuff in Elebits. If the mission isn’t forcing me to be quiet or to keep from breaking things, then everything’s gonna be flying, gravity be darned!

4) Wii Sports soreness will not get you “street cred”

So, say that you just started pumping weights. Every now and then claim to have “pulled a hammy” every other week or so (heck no, I don’t know what it is! I DO know it’s a good excuse for why you’re not lifting weights... usually).  That way no one will think it strange that your arms (particularly the Wiimote handling one) are getting huge as the rest of your body just stays the same.

5) Like Duck Hunt... with rabbits?

Not the WHOLE game, mind you, but the parts where you’re aiming at those Raving Rabbids with your plunger gun certainly makes you wish that dog would show up so you could give him WHAT FOR!

6) Don’t become a statistic - wear the straps!

And for Karma’s sake, don’t talk about people who didn’t wear their straps or did wear their straps and caused all manner of damage to their tv’s, lamps, knees, children. Just accept it as a fact of what has happened, lest you find the Staff o’ Wii playing havoc with YOUR furniture.

As of this writing there’s still a VERY good chance that you haven’t played one because they’re still in VERY high demand. Going to your average retail shoppatorium, you won’t find any Wii boxes there, but you WILL likely find boxes of the PS3. PS3 is like a Wii but... wait, no it’s not. :)

I’m so glad the twilight days are almost over and we’ll be having quality sunshine again in no time! And maybe...just MAYBE, I’ll get around to doing some more posting!