Hello, good evening and welcome! It’s been some time since I’ve had the opportunity to re-connect with you after the big “Showtime” event, but, seeing as how one item that was announced still isn’t shipping yet, I’ve still got some time. So, before I begin with my analysis, I’ll take this moment to have a cup of coffee. I suggest that you should probably have a coffee as well. Of course, if coffee isn’t to your liking, then you can have a nice tea or perhaps a heated cocoa (this last option being perfect if you also happen to be in a marshmallow mood).

Mmmmmmmm, just the way I like it. Sugar and cream with just the slightest whiff of coffee. Some would say that’s not real coffee drinking, but those that do are imaginary.

Sip.

Ahhhh.

Mm! That’s gooood coffee.

There, wasn’t that a nice way to start an article? Ok, I’ll start my next cup brewing as we go into my special analysis.

1) iPod w/Games

You KNOW this is just screaming for “performance enhanced” click wheel surfaces (SlickKlik?) for the Xtreme-iPod-gamer crowd. No, that crowd doesn’t exist yet but all crowds start with a single crazy idea! All this time I’d been wondering what that 64 voice synthesizer in the iPod was for. Now we know!

2) Motion Pictureshows

Since the days of those nickel movies that you turned a crank to watch, man has been developing technology that could one day revolutionize the industry by removing the crank. Those days are upon us as you no longer need to find a ViewMaster in order to watch Disney movies on a tiny screen. A new era of squinting is upon us, REJOICE! Who knows, maybe other studios will also feel the draw of tiny content. Oh, and if you’ve got non-squintworthy video, look no further than the amazing iSquint. It makes small work of even the most stubborn .AVI files (don’t get me started on .AVI files!!).

3) Big Ol’ Videos

Now, iTunes video comes in the Sam’s Wholesale Mucho Pixel pack. Up from the original 320x240, now you get a right respectable 640x480. I’m wondering though, did they just re-compress the 320x240 up to 640x480? If that’s the case, we’re not getting any more detail BUT we’re getting a file that’s twice as large. Not the kind of tradeoff I prefer. (I actually had to hold off on making my return to posting because this was being chatted about on the interwebs!!! If I’m going to be fashionably late to the party, I’m going to be breathtakingly, fashionably late WITH a flourish!)

4) QuickTime breaks the world

Or at least a tiny part of a very active world. QuickTime 7.1.3 essentially removes Flash support from QuickTime. Ok, so it’s not really removed just turned off and it’s actually easily turned back on with a preference but if you’re someone like me who took advantage of this little feature, it’s a trying time. And I was only using it for an email bar. I feel for you who’ve got thousands of hours tied up in hybrid QuickTime/Flash content that has to be re-done...and possibly in Flash, unfortunately. Don’t worry, I’ll be using our good friend eZediaQTI to re-enable emailing in a 100% QuickTimey way for those that run into this.

5) iTunes 7

iTunes gets the bump so that it’s version number will fit better when iLife ’07 comes out.

6) iTV

The Mac Mini was the answer to the question of the headless Mac. From the looks of things, this’ll be the answer to the question of the bodyless Mac. It’s like a flat Airport Express but for video. I’m thinking that I’ll have to get one to stream my video and play my iPod games on the TV. Wait, you didn’t just read that. Move on, nothing to see here.

7) iPod Nano Nano (Shazbot)

You can’t call it nano 2G because people will think that stands for 2Gig not 2nd Generation. Aside from that and a return to the metallic days of yore, there’s nothing to see here. Wait, the days of yore weren’t that thin and didn’t include black metal... ok something to see, but not if it’s very very dark. And contrary to those commercials, the click wheels don’t glow OR leave a trail through the air. MAN, I was looking forward to grabbing one of these firmly, spinning myself into a frenzy in a dark room and then falling on the floor catching my breath while watching as the light streaks dulate, then un-dulate above. I guess I could still do that but it would require a level of mind-altering not provided by Apple... yet.

8) iPod Sampler

Apple took another step towards having an iPod discarded in every drawer with iPod Shuffle’s remake (Any smaller and they wouldn’t have a place to put the controls). Of course, there’s still no screen, but instead of being the size of a pack of gum (mmmm, gum) it’s the size of those lil’ candy bars they give out on Halloween or maybe even a bit smaller. Soon, we will begin to see Shuffles for the holidays shipped in a “Whitman’s Sampler” way with each one having different music on it... the difference being that the ones left behind will have obscure unlistenable music on them instead of being vaguely squid flavored chocolate.

Was there more? Well, for the Keynote crowd, of which I am one, there were more than 3 or 4 instances of cool transitions that will probably most likely end up in the next version of Keynote. It should be coming out as a part of iWork ’07, but that’s just a big fat guess. If you find that it does actually come out as a part of the aforementioned software package that does not prove any sort of clairvoyance on my part. Or mongering of rumors. Or even the brow furrowed perusal of tea leaves. Are we clear??

I’ve run across a few other iWeb goodies that I’ll be getting around to shortly, just wanted to jump back into the control seat and start driving this puppy back down the road to Tiptown... where, strangely enough, the coffee always arrives at your table cold.

Nice place to visit, NOT gonna live there.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why Exclusive? Well, no one else is breaking this story right now, so, yeah.